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Old 11-27-2011, 09:17 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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What I've learned is that the label "polyamory" is perhaps useful for finding other people who are open to having multiple love relationships in their lives, sort of like a code word, but it isn't much more than that to me. I am finding the word less and less useful as I go along. Polyamory's not this strange... something... I enter which then will change me, and it's not a club with specific requirements or a secret handshake. The word simply describes an approach to intimate relationships and only one aspect of my life.

I have learned that some people view it as an identity and can get rather political about it, but for me, it is more productive to just ask oneself what kinds of relationship one wants and then set about creating them. Personally, I feel that it's a waste of time and energy to wrestle with the question, "Am I poly?" It's most important to me that I cultivate the kinds of relationships I want in my life and treat others with the love and respect that I want to be treated with, and not worry about what to call it.

A year ago, when I first chose to embrace a non-monogamous approach to my love life, I felt a bit frantic about trying to find guys to put into the roles of my boyfriends. But I realized, and continue to learn, that I cannot expect a "set of poly relationships" to suddenly fall into place. Relationships take time and I don't need to be in a hurry to have four boyfriends.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 11-27-2011 at 09:19 AM.
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