Originally Posted by ChloeJane
.... Add to that the fact that he's been regularly breaking rules and boundaries for a lot of his life as a very active anarchist, feminist, activist and artist. I love his incredible past, and hearing about all of his adventures, travels and experiences, but am aware that his previous lives haven't created an issue or two for us to wrestle with from time to time
It sounds like part of the challenge is that your husband....and yourself....really like that "rule/boundary" breaker aspect of your husband, but not when it comes to the relationship between the two of you. It can sometimes be challenging to allow the expression of a part(s) of oneself in one set of circumstances while limiting its expression in other aspects of one's life. For some
people it would be like asking an alcoholic/addict to stop at "x" number of drinks because that's when they're funny whereas at "y" number they become belligerent and stupid. Or, to tell them it's ok for them to drink in these specific set of circumstances, but not others. And we all know how successful (NOT) it can be when one person tries to limit, monitor, or control the drinking behavior of an alcoholic !!
Now...is the rule/boundary breaking rebel behavior of your partner equivalent to an "addiction" for him??? Maybe he enjoys the thrills it brings to him in the moment so much that he doesn't choose to stop and look ahead at the long term consequences...much like an alcoholic/addict. Like the alcoholic/addict, he shows a great deal of genuine remorse after the behavior has occurred....but then turns around and goes right back out and repeats it. It certainly has created numerous problems between the 3 of you. If the behavior does have an addictive aspect to it....HE is the only one that can rein it in....deal with it. (Even a domm has no true power over addiction!) Trying to place external controls/rules/limits on it is only a "stop-gap" measure.
Just my $.02 worth as I read through your initial concerns and others' responses.......