View Single Post
  #36  
Old 11-27-2011, 02:15 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 821
Default

I think that ChloeJane isn't doing anything wrong at all. I have had issues with my husband where he pushes or breaks boundaries (albeit small ones). When we are in a situation it is often hard to be objective. I think it is my HUSBAND's job to come tell me when he is unhappy with a boundary since I am not psychic, and I take him at his word when he says he agrees to something. Since he doesn't usually see the big picture when it comes to this stuff, it has usually been up to me to deal with boundary issues a few times before I realize that it is an ongoing issue where a renegotiation is needed if after repeated conversation he just can't or won't stick to an agreeement (either because it makes no sense to him, he doesn't like doing things like that, whatever).

It sounds like ChloeJane is doing just that, and I'm not really sure why if a partner agrees to stick to boundaries and can't uphold their end of the bargain that it would be her "fault" and not the partner who isn't being introspective about their own wants and needs.

It doesn't sound like her husband was forced into any agreements, so I don't see why just because some of us wouldn't make those agreements for our own relationships means that there's a problem...as I feel like she's been pretty clear that they are open for negotiation, but it can be hard to negotiate quickly "forward" into less restrictive agreements when your partner isn't making you feel safe.

It's not as if he came to her and said "Babe, I'm unhappy with our agreements" So why is she the bad guy for not reading his mind? What if the boundary was one they made on condom use? One they made about not being appropriate to have casual sex with strangers? Agreement about who would pick the kids up from school? I am of the mindset that if you want to change the agreements and there's a problem, it's a joint effort to find a resolution, not a one sided one.
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 11-27-2011 at 02:23 AM. Reason: my cold is making me not make sense (more than usual)
Reply With Quote