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Old 11-27-2011, 01:09 AM
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ChloeJane ChloeJane is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Small Town, British Columbia
Posts: 45
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Wow. Intense!

What I hear you saying is that being immediately unwilling to renegotiate boundaries is "wrong" and that they need to be changed at the first sign of sexual greediness/transgressions?

Let's change the boundaries, and see if it resonates the same way for you, for curiosities sake:

Are you saying that if you have a mutually agreed upon boundary with your partner to... say... not have sex in your bed with a secondary partner, and they repeatedly do (It's a more comfortable bed! It's not sacred, your sister slept in there when we went to Mexico that one time and the spare bedroom was full of your sister's stuff!), that you should change your boundary around them sleeping in your bed, and it's WRONG of you if you don't?

Or...

If you have a mutually agreed upon boundary that your partner is to always wear a condom with a lover, and after three times of them transgressing this (They're safe! They were tested! You're being so controlling - condoms don't feel good!), that you should immediately renegotiate your boundary of wanting them to wear a condom with their secondary and that it's WRONG of you if you don't?

Or...

If your partner tells you that it's really important to them that you don't have anal with your secondary partner - that it's the one sex act they want to share between the two of you because it's really special to both of you, and you agree to this but transgress multiple times (It was just so hot, and you know how much I love it! Why are you trying to control my strap-on, it's not right!) in the heat of the moment that they should get ready to renegotiate their boundary instead of working out why you're not respecting it, and are actively hurting/disrespecting them?

A month and a half in, and it's wrong of us to not knee-jerk renegotiate boundaries of any kind? Seriously... I need to understand... in essence, if other people can't respect boundaries that all people have agreed upon, you should just throw them away, and NOT investigate what is going on first?
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