Could it be the stereotypes getting in the way?
I wonder if this feeds into a woman's need for anonymity/safety a bit? I also think that there is a larger acceptance of sexually empowered men (check out the language alone - stud, player, ladies man vs slut, whore, hussy) I have experienced some pretty predatory behaviour for putting myself out there in different sex communities in the past, and I find that a total turnoff in general. I have also noticed that men who know that I am polyamorous treat me a little different than men who don't (more inclined to talk about sex with me, for example), so I am generally more open about what I do in my private time with females my "queer" friends (I am always leery about using the word queer, because for me it's an awesome work, and others it's derogatory)
Another thought on that for me.... When we're out in a threesome in a "safe space" and are all holding hands/kissing a lot of the "looks" that we get are men looking at my husband in a congratulatory way (ie - nice work, buddy - way to work the ladies) instead of even thinking of looking at me and our girlfriend who set the whole thing up in the first place LOL. They assume that the dude is winning, when in reality, we're all winning! S loves to enjoy the fact that the ladies who look are probably wondering what J (my husband) has going on that these other guys don't!
I love to love the lovers, who love to love the love.