It strikes me that you need some time. It's not clear in your story what was at the root of your emotional crisis and lashing out, but it seems like an awefully short time since you've been getting the introspection and support you need.
There's no way around your fear and terror. That will come and you'l have to figure out what it's all about and why - after all these years - you all the sudden feel so vulnerable. What's changed?
So, the question you have to ask can you feel your fear and emotional turmoil and NOT act on it? Many people don't recognze and/or don't have the skills to experience strong emotions without acting out on them. If you cannot either, than it's best to ask for additional time or you risk getting into a bad spiral with your relationship with A.
If you can, it might actually be helpul to sit with your fear and learn to cope; gain a finer understanding of what's going on with you, etc. But, this is a high risk strategy without proper support (and self-control).
If I were you, I'd ask her to wait... give it 6 months with the option to extend. Take any extensions very, very carefully though.
Sounds like a hard time for you. I'm glad to see you're on a good road forward.
Male, Straight, Poly
“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”