Originally Posted by rory
Mya's now been here for a bit over two days. Last time she visited there were quite many emotions for all of us, particularly early in the week when she had just come here. This time it's been less emotional and more stable and relaxed. That's good, mind you. I'm not completely rid of the feelings of anxiety that rise in regards to both Alec and Mya being happy all the time, but the feelings have only come up maybe once a day for a short while. I've been able to let go of the anxious feelings pretty well when they come, so it hasn't been so tiring.
The bolded part is my conclusion about the past (little-over-a) week Mya spent here. And something happened to the anxiety, too: after last weekend I had a discussion with Mya, there was a *snap*, and it was gone. Holy crap, what a relief. Before that, the intense anxiety would only come at times, but there was a small yet constant nagging feeling, which would not let me relax whenever I was with both of them.
There was something about what Mya said talking to me about her metamourship (hey, a useful poly term?
) with Alec. At first she was wondering if there are ways forward so that they could become closer friends. But after a while she concluded that actually, the situation is maybe the best left as it is, and if the friendship will deepen on its own that will happen, but if not that is fine, too. Mya and Alec get along very well and all of us have fun together; they care about each other's well being and wish each other well; and they are able to communicate about things if the need arises. And really, that is all you need in a metamour relationship. It seems that there was conflict for Mya because often when she meets somebody she likes, she works very actively towards the goal of a deep, loving friendship, but she also felt that things were working well in our situation. If she were to seek a deeper connection, there would also be more risk of conflict. After all, you always need more compatibility the closer the relationship. At the moment, when Mya visits, she and Alec live sort of like roommates. Both of them respect each other's spaces, but like to come together and hang out when both of them feel like it.
Anyway, Mya told me the conclusion that she had come to: that she would let go of expectation in her metamourship with Alec, and rather let things either be what they are or develop on their own as they will. And I guess I've been worrying about those kind of things more than I've realised, because I felt relieved about that. I guess for a control-freak there is a lot to worry about, when you've got two people you love and who you wish to like each other.