Thank you Rory, your questions are absolutely enlightening. Really touch on things I haven't throughout about much. I do think the boundaries will have to best by both of us, not just me insisting on my needs. I will try to figure out what GF truly think of them to minimize violation. At the end of the day, violation of boundaries will destroy the little trust we've been building, and that's more detrimental than stupid little rules.
Originally Posted by rory
Number 5: what does "on time" mean? If it stands for "at the time I tell you", it sounds too controlling. If it stands for "at the time we together agreed to", it's completely reasonable.
I find myself having the most difficult time after 9 pm. It will be a time we agree upon but I think for the time being, it seems to help me get over this uncontrollable jealous streak.
Number 4 sounds a bit confusing to me. What are your reasons behind this? It comes off a bit odd; like you want to make her force him to define their relationship more clearly. Why is that? Isn't it more relevant to you what it is your girlfriend wants from the relationship? If you do want his input, that might be something possibly better communicated between you and him directly. Which brings me to this issue:
The reason I want her to help him define their relationship is because I don't think he's asked that question before. I have no idea what his intentions are, if he's trying to "date" my GF to eventually replace me, or does he want a secondary relationship, primary? Every time I talk to GF about the nature of their relationship, she defines it as "friendship with additional intimacy". I feel like if I can get his take on the issue, it would help all of us understand where we stand.
Part of my issue with 'T' is that he is quite demanding on GF's time. Perhaps without realizing it. He requests hotel / weekend getaways, comes up with numerous concerts and hiking dates. Somewhere in me feels that if he recognizes that she needs to cultivate her relationship with me as much (if not more) than with his, perhaps he'd be more thoughtful on proposing weekly getaways.
As I write this, I feel quite guilty for some of the emotions coming up, such as expectation that GF spend more time with me than him, devote more to me etc. Perhaps it's the 'social conditioning' that's often touted in the Poly circle, I can't stay I'm ready to toss it all out the window either rethought