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Old 11-26-2011, 03:54 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Thanks for the perspective, Rory. I ended up telling him and saying that he was not barred from reading my blog but that he might not want to as it could be a bit much emotionally. He said he probably won't but that he'll tell me if he does.

At his parents' place, where we just spent two days, I kept thinking about the future. On all the walls there were pictures of him and his sister as kids... I found myself wondering often whether he and I will one day go on to form a family of our own. I never used to have these kind of thoughts. I suppose it's part of growing up and not wanting to just drift through life anymore. Or maybe it's just about finally seeing someone close to me have a baby of her own. Hell, I am still totally ambivalent about the idea of kids. But the future, how can I not wonder about it?

We had a difficult conversation on the long car ride home about the things I think I would need from him if I were to feel comfortable making a long-term commitment. Chief among those is the whole sense-of-direction, dealing-with-the-depression thing. And he actually has been doing better with all that lately, to be fair, but there's so much more he could be doing with his life and I don't just mean finding a job. He didn't like feeling like I was handing him a list of faults to correct and I didn't like being in that position myself one bit, but I felt like I had to let him know where I was at rather than just silently wait for him to work on this stuff on his own and then leave if he doesn't.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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