Trying to find our way
My partner and I (both women) are very new to polyamory. I have suspected that I have been poly-amorous for many years and after a situation that happened 10 months ago finally understood this is what I am. Let me explain the situation, though it's rather ugly and will take a couple paragraphs I'm sure.
My partner and I, whom I will call Rain, have been together for just over 4 years now in a mono relationship. Ten months ago we became sexually involved with our best friend who I'll refer to as V. Before we became sexually involved we already felt great affection for her but never thought anything would happen as we were under the impression she was straight. She has a partner, a male, whom she had been with for around 7 years, though she would often talk to us of how she wasn't happy with him and was bi-curious. After some heavy drinking one night we all kissed but nothing else happened. Rain and I discussed if we wanted anything else to happen and what that would mean. Originally we just assumed it would be a sexual thing and gave no though to being Poly, etc. We laid down boundaries that if something were to happen we would only have sex when all three of us were involved.
Well, to cut a long story short V and I ended up having sex once when Rain was sleeping in the other room. This was after we had all just had a very long night of it and V woke me up and we continued... once Rain found out weeks later she was livid and it nearly destroyed our relationship. By this time our friendship with V was already ruined because she fell in love with me, but not with Rain and Rain couldn't accept her just loving me and not her. Also V couldn't handle the entire situation because she only wanted to be with me but I wanted to be with them both. It was messy, it was ugly and I never want anything like it to happen again.
Since then I have explained to Rain that I am poly, though I told her if need be I can live my life without having that, that I can living it just with her. After a few months we talked about it again and she said she thinks she may be poly as well as we both did love V. Lately we have talked about possibly exploring this as we both met a woman we are attracted to. Nothing will happen with this particular woman but it made her in particular realize some things about herself.
I explained to Rain that if we were to enter into a triad at some stage down the road we could not have such stifling boundaries as we did previously with V and she agrees. Though Rain still wishes to find someone who will love us both equally as we would love them. And of course this would be ideal, but I don't know if it's realistic. Is it possible to find a third person to love us both as much as we would love them? Or is it going to end up that they will inevitably love one of us more? Because if that is the case I'm not sure Rain could handle that.
Any thoughts appreciated and I will continue to read previous threads on triads.