Originally Posted by Sociopath
Hello. I am new here. Well, I've been reading a few posts here and there for the past year and a half or so.
Could you volunteer a little bit of your background, and a short paragraph of something you've learned, of great importance to you personally, since venturing out to learn more about what's collectively referred to by many as polyamory?
From adolescence on out, I've learned through experience and observation that humans are NOT a monogamous species. The most important thing I've learned throughout all of this is that mental stamina is more usefully spent on understanding our sexual behavior, rather than to be recklessly squandered on kicking and screaming "because it hurts." Of course, studying the sexual behavior of humans has opened up, for me, a Pandora's box that made a mess I'm still cleaning up.
Well by doing a tag search you might of come across this thread on "lessons learned"
or perhaps this thread on "poly foundations"
. Thanks for yet another chance to pass the link along.
Everything I have learned is in these threads I believe. AT least pretty darned close.
I don't agree with the statement above that I underlined. At least not as it stands. I think that actually most people are monogamous. What I believe is that most monogamous people are serial monogamists
. Mostly because we live longer, women have more options and we are not held to religion as much as we used to be in terms of being monogamous with a life partner. I think most people aren't interested or can't be bothered to challenge themselves to include more partners in their lives. If that works, then awesome... we all have our own interests. Mine is human nature, sexuality and human interactions. Someone who is mono might not care about that but care about how to build racing cars. Its just different.
I agree that understanding ourselves, regardless of relationship description, is the first course of action towards having a successful relationship in terms of what we believe our own success is. Bouncing it off others is part of finding out how we tick and how others might work with us in a romantic and/or sexual relationship. Part of that learning curve involves learning how to communicate and check in with ourselves moment to moment I think.