Originally Posted by angeoffaith
I know I need to talk to S. but he is already has insecurities because we donít see each other a lot. He thinks I should be with someone who can give me more time and affection. But I donít want V. because S. is not very present but because I feel comfortable, calm and happy when I am with them. So I really donít know how to broach the subject and how to tell S. what I want. Yes it is tricky even more with my anxiety problems.
Whatever relationships you have in life, mono, poly, something in-between, you will have to learn to cope with insecurity - your own, and your partners.
Treat your partners like adults if you want a deep connected relationship. That means tell them things that are uncomfortable for them and for you. That means that you have to be an adult too. For me, being an adult means telling the truth, making difficult decisions about one's life, facing the consequences of those decisions, and trying hard to understand one's self. It's not easy but it is rewarding.
So tell S even though he is insecure. Be tactful but make sure as best you can that he understands what you want, how it affects him (or doesn't affect him) and why you want what you want. In fact, I would tell S what you wrote above about why you like being around V. That's a nice summary.