Thread: So lost.
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Old 11-23-2011, 11:09 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 438

I'm in a very similar situation.

My wife and I opened up last March, she has had a number of dates, and came close to developing a much closer relationship with a friend of ours, which went sour because he wasn't being honest with his wife. (If she's lucky, she may salvage the friendship.) She also has a couple of "cuddle buddies" - guys she's close enough to to hug and hold, but nothing more than that - one in town, one LDR.

Me? I have a burning crush on someone inaccessible to me (for a variety of reasons), and not much else. (In the case of the woman in question, even talking to her about the crush would be ethically fraught, under the circumstances. It's complicated.)

I'm on OKCupid, but find the whole process of internet dating slightly creepy or, at least, skewed in its priorities, and I haven't drawn much interest there, either.

I think what others said here is about right: let it take time. Because of our newfound openness, my relationship with my wife is warmer (and hotter) than ever, and I am very busy in my professional life and in my side line as a musician.

What I've come to understand is that, for me, the point of being poly is not necessarily to have a lot of intimate relationships right away . . . though, to be honest, I caught myself thinking that way in the first flush of polyamory back in the spring: "I'm poly now! I'd better go out and get me a girlfriend!"

Instead, I now think, the point is to be open and attentive to other people, and to allow relationships to develop as they may. In my case, I need more practice in the basic skills of friendship, even leaving aside the trappings of conventional "romance".

To be needlessly metaphorical about the whole thing, I don't know where exactly where I am going, but it's an awfully interesting road . . .
the cake is a lie
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