AnnabelMore, you really raise some great questions.
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
Maybe if reading his emails to her upsets you, you shouldn't do it? It seems a little invasive to me anyways, though I can certainly see how you'd have some trust issues going on right now.
Do you know T at all personally, could you see you and he ever becoming friends? Many people find that helps because it allows them to see the other person not as competition but, perhaps in time, as a collaborator in making the same person happy. It also build trust, which cuts down on fear and jealousy.
Do you think you may ever be interested in an outside relationship of your own? I'm not saying it'd be the best idea right now, by any means, but when everything is on a more even keel it might be worth exploring if it feels right.
Reading email is a horrible thing, I hate invading her privacy and want to trust her fully. The desire for verification of honest is very strong but I do realize the need to have that leap of faith again.
I met T once a long time ago, and then again when I showed up at his door. GF has always been very hesitant about having us meet. I've stressed that T should be converted to "friend of the relationship", instead of a foe. This is a concept she agrees to, but she doesn't know how to have these worlds collide, and honest, I'm not even sure if she wants to.
I do think I have the capacity to have outside relationship. I'm still recovering from the deep wound from being cheated on; this experience recalled significant self esteem issues like abandonment and inadequacy, I need to recover from these issues before I can feel desired again by a stranger.