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Old 11-23-2011, 03:25 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
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Default Aside to AT

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
I've told my wife--multiple times--exactly what helps when I'm feeling down. She's never bothered to actually pay attention so she can remember it when I've been knocked down by life and can use a hand in getting back up. She'll then come 'round when I'm down and ask what she can do to help...um, not a good time to ask that. It says, in effect, that she really doesn't care as it's never been important enough for her to pay attention to--which adds to the psychological trauma.
This sounds awful, AT. Are you ok? Are there other people in your life who can be there for you in the way you need? It sounds like it's been a long standing pattern that has really hurt you over time.

Spouses should be supportive but your wife may just really suck at being supportive in the way you need. She might be incapable of it - I'm not saying she's a bad person but we all have things we do better than others. For instance, I'm terrible at sussing out if someone feels bad about something but is not saying so openly. Some people are really good at understanding unspoken clues but I'm not one of them. One of my dear friends, his wife is completely freaked out about dealing with death. So when his father died, he could not rely on her for support. She just wasn't capable of it. But she is a great mother, loves him deeply, and is otherwise very supportive of him. So, while not a good situation at all, he accepts her as she is. People will fail you. Sometimes they can't help it because they are who they are.
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