Yep, it's real, I've felt it. But you're not good if you feel it and bad if you don't -- it's just a nice thing to aim for. It involves a lot of security, compassion, understanding, and good feelings for all involved, and often it only comes in time if it does in fact come. Focus on the process, not the end goal.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.