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Old 11-23-2011, 02:48 AM
CheesyLady CheesyLady is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 10
Post turn of events

DH - "What I meant by honeymoon phase was ...the fun happy period directly after the wedding..."

No, we never did have that. Probably the closest we got was the couple of weeks before I brought up poly.

I felt I should finish the story - we had a good talk right before our last posts and decided to be "poly" but to move at Mr. C's pace. It seems he was a bit caught off guard by the amount of joy I found in my newfound freedom - even went out and got some new clothes to match how I felt and everything! I did finally make a conscious decision - I was feeling great and great about myself, what I was doing, where I was going, and decided to stay there. Mr. C had made a request that we work on ourselves first until we were solid and I keep the feelings for my co-worker from growing during that time.

I learned something amazing. When I decided to do that, I could. I wasn't sure I'd be able to, but I did. Sadly, within a couple of weeks and after an amazing anniversary weekend, things seemed to return to where they were before all of the poly discussions. Things hadn't really changed or gotten better. Even just being friends with my co-worker still bothered Mr. C.

There was an appointment that we had with the counselor that I wasn't able to make so Mr. C said not to cancel it, he would go by himself. He came home sure that poly was not in the definition of our marriage vows, and he didn't want to do it. So then I went to the counselor by myself. She asks, "Will you stay married if poly isn't part of it?" No, not if it meant going back to where we were before. I couldn't get the courage to say that to Mr. C and it deeply bothered him that I couldn't answer that question for him. While I thought about it, he played Wii or worked in the basement and didn't really talk to with me too much about anything. I'd ask him what was on his mind and he wouldn't say anything. Then, the last week of September, it seems I'd be sleeping for precisely 15 minutes when he'd come in and want to start a long discussion. Almost everyday that week. I had a lot going on at work so one day I finally went and slept down in the basement with the dog. Then on Friday of that week, we were both off and heading about 4 hours out of town to go to my cousin's funeral. He had died unexpectedly at 32 and it was a huge surprise to the whole family. My family isn't that big.

I was printing out the directions to the funeral home when he comes in and says he wants a divorce. That was the third time he'd asked me for one. Like the other two times, it was quickly followed with, no what I mean is I want to work it out. The second time he said it I said those were very odd words to use if he wanted to keep working on things and if it came out again that would be it. He asked something along the lines, "if we're not poly, will you still put your full attention on our marriage?" Since it was a weekday we went down and filed that day. You can guess I finally had the courage to say no after getting terrible sleep all week. I went to the funeral by myself and have only spent one night at what used to be our house since that day.

On the Sunday morning of that weekend I woke up thinking that my sub-conscious had conjured up this whole poly thing to get myself out of the relationship, but as time has gone by, I still feel it's something I'd like to pursue should the right person/people come along.

Looking in from the outside I can see many signs we had a very unhealthy relationship for a long time. While I was moving out, Mr. C had said he knew we'd be happier without each other and that it wasn't working for a long time but was giving it his best because he had made a covenant with God.

I don't write here to diss him or say anything bad about him, rather I am hoping that with the unique perspective of this forum, you all would be able to offer your thoughts and questions on these recent events in the hopes that I can grow and not make any of the same mistakes again.
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