Sometimes I wonder if we blame ourselves or over analyze things that are perhaps just physiological responses to things. I don't even like the sound of strangers having sex in a hotel room next to me if I'm alone, and I don't even know them! For some reason it makes me feel this weird combination of lonely/anxious. So if it was my significant other, I imagine the reaction would be even stronger. But it doesn't necessarily mean you are jealous or insecure or not accepting of the situation.
I've gotten to know my BF's GF better these past few weeks. She's a nice person. The three of us even spent a day together and had dinner out. It went fine. I felt completely comfortable. But another evening when we stopped by her place, he went inside to talk to her, and I stayed in the car. I saw him glance out the window to see if I was looking and then they moved away from the window for a few minutes, and I started to shake. It felt exactly like you describe, like a panic attack. And I can't explain it either, because I know he cares about her, I know they have sex, this has all been out in the open for quite a while, so why should seeing that bother me now? What's really unnerving about it is that it feels like such a physical reaction that you can't "reason" your way out of. I don't have an answer, but you aren't alone. And I suspect that even if you insulate better, you will find yourself just listening closer.
Last edited by cheryl; 11-23-2011 at 12:54 AM.