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Old 11-22-2011, 11:02 PM
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Snowdancer Snowdancer is offline
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Location: Washington, DC area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shirleymhungry View Post
When you love two people and those two people are also interested in eachother and you all have sex together and there's love in all the directions I think that is like the #1 most common poly dream! Unfortunately it's a really difficult one to achieve.

My advice to you in this situation would be to continue to foster each relationship separately, encouraging friendship between both your partners where you can. If you try to make them interested in each other sexually or romantically, or if you place this expectation upon your relationships you will likely end up with one or two ladies who resent you or more likely who resent you and the other one.

Unfortunately you can't make relationships happen. The likeliness that a person is compatible with not just you but with your other partner as well is very unlikely, as what attracts you to people is probably not the same thing your partner looks for. A lot of poly people struggle with placing this limitation and expectation on future potential partners.

The other thing is that relationships are organic, not manufactured. While arraigned marriages actually have a high success rate, in my experience arraigned relationships do not. You fell in love with both of your partners by getting to know them and exploring what kind of relationship the two of you are suited to have together. You have to let them experience this same process, too. If you'd like to maybe someday have a triad or just a once a year threesome you have to be willing to accept the possibility that they will just be friends. Encourage their friendship and let them see what comes out of it. You must do this genuinely and without expectation or they will feel your attachment to the sex.

Also, there's no shame in wanting to have sex with two people you love, or just in wanting to have a threesome. It's completely ok to have selfish wants as long as you proceed with integrity and respect and an understanding that while your partners love you, they may not want to love each other.. in that way. The fact that they're friendly and kind towards each other is a great starting point!
Couldn't say anything any better than this! Well written with much wisdom.
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55 y.o. unmarried straight male w/straight GF wishing to meet women for dating and relationships. Also interested in just meeting people for fun and friendships. Blog and email buddies welcome!
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