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Old 11-04-2009, 08:29 PM
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rolypoly rolypoly is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350
Default Q

Originally Posted by redsirenn View Post
is going thru all of this for the sake of a relationship "good" for a person. or should that person want it for reasons that pertain to them as well?
People have responded to other aspects of your question, redsirenn. What I'm wondering is if this sentiment stems from the old cliches in the dating world.

Why would he buy the cow if he's getting the milk free....
You can't change someone...
Don't have sex until x dates.....

...and it's unhealthy to do x in a relationship...

Obviously, there is truth to a lot of this. You will have a hard time if you think that someone will change during the course of your relationship because you want them to. And it's very healthy to have a relationship with yourself first.

I'm just wondering how much validity there is to the idea that it's unhealthy to sacrifice certain things for a relationship. We sacrifice for our jobs, for our children, for all sorts of things. Why is it suddenly unhealthy to sacrifice something for a relationship, if it's what you want?

...just my thoughts and probably some of my own baggage.

I don't even know if I buy that - why is it wrong to do something FOR someone or BECAUSE of someone else's needs? Where is the line drawn?
Exactly. I think it's very personal. If what you want is to put energy into these two relationships and pursue poly and you are not sacrificing something you may later regret, then I say there's a healthy way to do it. (By regret, I mean the "What was I thinking, I was so blinded" kind of regret).

Maybe you can look at ways to manage your time so you can fit everything into your life that you desire to fit. And maybe you can find the personal, "I'm doing this for me" benefits to what you feel is sacrificing for a relationship.

Does that make sense?

My heart is too big to fit into one person.
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