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Old 11-22-2011, 02:09 PM
zylya zylya is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Sussex, UK
Posts: 77

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
This is true... but on the other hand, I think it behooves men to examine why they are uncomfortable with their bi female partner only having female lovers. What is so magical about a penis, or another guy? What kind of threat does another male present that a female wouldn't? I don't think there is any way around the idea that it is inherently sexist to feel that another woman is less of a threat to him than another guy would be.
My point is that NOT EVERY OPP SITUATION is based on this. I'm saying that the underlying assumption that a OPP is borne out of jealousy and fear is INCORRECT.

If the situation IS about fear and jealousy then I agree that men should definitely work on their issues.

However, what I am saying is that people should not apply the term OPP as a catch-all to any situation, or if they are going to apply it to any one-penis/one-pussy situation then they shouldn't frame it as a negative.

This horrible "judgment" you're so afraid of... well, we all judge. If we didnt judge, we'd have no way to form an opinion and there would be no reason for a discussion board!
There is a difference between making a judgement (i.e. forming an opinion) and being judgemental (i.e. looking down on someone because of the opinion you formed). It is the reason why the forum gets filled with topics like "how to come out as poly" because people, quite reasonably, don't want to be judged for their natural urges. I personally am very thick-skinned so it doesn't bother me, but just because I don't personally feel something, it doesn't mean I can't be sensitive to others who might do so.

Harsh kneejerk judgment could be a concern, and when I used the term "imposed on you," I guess I was guilty of that. But OPPs do make me see red, politically. OPPs are born out of fear and lack of self awareness and examination of stereotypes. So, hang me for being a feminist, I don't care.
Not every OPP is born out of fear and lack of self awareness though. This is where our disagreement lies. Your assumption seems to be that if there's only one penis involved, then it must instantly be sexist, anti-feminist and oppressive of the female in the relationship, when this quite simply is not the case. If the OPP IS born out of fear or jealousy then I agree that it is a bad application of the relationship system, but not every OPP is.

For the record, in my relationships there are no OPPs, everything is left open. However, people on the forum sometimes seem as though they are saying that their way is inherently better (hence my "my poly is better than your poly" comment). Text is a difficult medium for such discussions, so I hope that I haven't misunderstood anyone else's opinions.
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