W would consider herself the primary partner, R and I consider us to be equal, its as though we let her think that to make her happy? I know it sounds bag
Yes I was aware she was tolerating the relationship. She wishes he would be monogamous but understands that he is poly.
I don't like the ideal that he hides things from his partners no.
He already has kids (complicated situation he doesn't see them) he doesn't wish to have any more children and W believes that she doesn't want children either. Must note I am 24, W is 30 and R is 41.
I want kids, and will have them eventually either on my own, or with another partner.
The ex he had sex with is very strict with protection, so I assumed but didn't ask.
No we don't. Other than if they swing they have protected sex with all parties.
With regards to what the relationship would look like. I would be lying if I said I rather he not be dating W but not because I want him to myself.I don't believe shes the right fit for a poly relationship, and I believe she is changing or tolerating the situation and in doing so is altering her core belief system and this is hurting her significantly. But at the same time they love each other so much, thats not something I can deny. She accepts that I am here and I am in it for the long haul, not just short term.
R knows she is not the right fit and he is by no means forcing her to stay, she has left before and in the last year has never been gone for more than a few hours total.
Ideally I would like a more open and functional relationship with all parties, I don't need him more than 50% of the time, nor do I want that. I just want closer to 50 % if that makes sense.
I believed that me moving here, and us getting into this situation would help to fill an emptiness and sadness that he has inside his heart from not seeing his children. But I also partly believe things are more complicated now that I am here, and he didn't forsee all these issues and is struggling to deal with them.
He wanted to get away for the night and from everything and he cheated. Not that its an excuse, I am still really really angry and dissapointed.