Here comes a male, not-yet-practicing polynewbie to chime in... I have to say that after reading the glossary, I have found these terms to be a bit condescending. Condescending talk makes my blood boil, but that's my personal problem I suppose. Anyway, I became aware of polyamory about a year ago and would like to pursue it. My poly-curious wife isn't interested in finding any male partners right now. We talked a lot about how things might be and for simplicity's sake we both would prefer to find a single woman who would be interested in joining us in some way or another. In fact, I mentioned to her that it would be probably be unlikely that we would find such a person because anyone we find who knows anything about polyamory will probably already have partners. She still wants to try to find someone single.
I do tend to get a vibe that since I am a man and I identify as polyamorous and my wife doesn't want to pursue it for herself at this time that I will get this kind of snobby scoffing response because of both our newbieness and the way we would like to try to make it happen. There is no OPP for us. It just looks that way, at least in theory.
I think when it comes to other newbies, it might not be a bad idea to just let them sort the unicorn/OPP part out by themselves. I think they will realize the rarity/unfairness aspects soon enough once they start looking around/talking about it. If they find another partner, that person will no doubt enlighten them. Since I am a newbie, are there really so many experienced poly types that keep an OPP or are actual unicorn hunters? My guess is no. So there is no need to slap labels on the newbie at such an early stage, is there?
On the side: I think the term noob is also derogatory.
Originally Posted by zylya
In the case of a monogamous relationship that's opening up, I completely disagree - if someone was married and monogamous, and their partner told them they were bisexual and wanted to explore a relationship with someone of the same sex, then I don't think it's entirely unreasonable for someone in that situation to want "OPP" because it's as close to the relationship that they originally signed up for. If someone was going through the effort to open up a monogamous relationship for me to explore my poly then I'd be a bit of a dick to insist that it was totally open when I've already turned their world upside down by dropping the polybomb on them. An OPP is almost a compromise between "true" polyamory and the monogamy they went in for.
This sounds good. While I feel I was EXTREMELY lucky with poly kind of coming to my wife and me organically i.e. no polybomb, I did mention the idea of dating and pursuing multiple women in the beginning so that I could get an idea of who would really be a good potential serious partner. I don't think she was or is ready for that yet. I can understand that. Maybe for us there is an OOEPP (Only one extra pussy policy) enforced on me. I am not offended by that and I agree to it with no feeling of pressure.