Thread: 2 Issues
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Old 11-21-2011, 09:07 PM
caragh87 caragh87 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Sydney
Posts: 30
Default So confused.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Welcome to the board.

First of all, cheating on you and the other gf by having sex with an ex is not poly, it's just cheating. So you are not a hypocrite.

How long have you been in a relationship with this guy, long distance? How long has he been seeing the other gf? More than a year?

We've been together about 18 months, but it has only really gotten serious in the last 9 months. With lots of travelling back and forth.
I then decided for a number of reasons to move to the same state as him.

Yes, I don't see why you 3 can't arrange to make sure you get 2 Sat nights a month, and she gets 2, if that is important to you.

His other partner W more so tolerates the concept of what we are doing, rather than accepting and being understanding of the situation? If that makes sense. So decisions are made separetly and not in a group.

No judgment, but if the other gf is as close to him as you are, why doesn't she have a right to know how her bf slipped? That's pretty huge. She has a right to know and deal with the idea he is untrustworthy to keep his cock in his pants.

To put it simply, she wouldn't cope. She tolerates the poly situation but ideally is not happy with it? I have a feeling he may tell her eventually, but he wanted to tell me from the moment that he did it we just have more of an understanding in that way.

"Putting her in her place" is a bit of an odd phrase. Does your bf spend the night with her when he sees her those 4 nights a week?

It sounds like a negative phrase I guess,but she was used to spending 6-7 nights a week with him for 18 months as well, so now shes adjusting to getting 4 nights a week, in a way he is unwilling to upset her by letting her know we have to have some kind of schedule to make it fair. And so yes he does spend the 4 nights at her house, because we live together. Sometimes he stays the night at our place with her and they have a bedroom.. but its only been used once or twice in the last few weeks.

Time sharing arrangements are key in polyamory. It sounds like your bf is being dismissive of your desire for Saturday nights with him. But why wouldnt a Friday night be just as much fun as a Saturday night?

I do believe he is being dismissive of my request but at the same time he says he agrees with me about sharing weekends. The thing with Saturday vs Friday is we work long hours, by friday night after a 40 hour+ week we are tired & its hard to plan things when all you want to do is vege out... by Saturday night we have recovered a bit and are up for doing more things.

Hard to say. 2 gfs and, I assume, plenty of sex with you 2, and he still gets tempted by and succumbs to an ex who still wants to be with him? What's up with that?
There is plenty of sex from my end, and they also swing with other couples so I guess plenty of sex in that scenario but not a whole bunch of one on one sex. I am pissed he put himself in a situation where he would have sex with the ex because if they had just met up for a drink or gone to a movie there would most likely be a whole lot less temptation. In all honesty.. I don't get it, he has begged me to stay and promised he wont talk to this other girl and has told her that things are never going to happen that he doesn't want anything more than a friendship.. she again feels put aside and disgaured and I don't think thats something that will help her let go of the feelings she has for him.
She feels entitled to him because she has known him longer than both me and W, and in a way I think because of how much he has hurt her in the past, he feels like he owes her something?
It wasn't just sex, and I am aware of that, and I don't know which hurts more.
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