Originally Posted by redsirenn
The choices: Lots of hard work and agony, and taking time away from other important things in my life to explore polyamory (see maintaining self identity thread) OR giving up something really good.
It seems like I might be doing this because I like the relationship... not necessarily because polyamory is something I NEED.
I'm not sure what the right answer is for you, but I do know that for myself, if I'm trying to sustain a relationship based on convincing myself that I can change something fundamental (either in myself or in my partner) in order to preserve the relationship, it's always going to be on shaky ground.
Plus I find it interesting that you're saying you're giving up something really good when that really good still involves "hard work and agony, taking time away from other important things in your life". For me, if I say "My relationship is wonderful, except for x", the the actual truth is that my relationship isn't wonderful with that niggling "x" sitting in the middle of it.