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Old 11-21-2011, 05:50 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by zylya View Post
A lot of people are very quick to jump on the "OPP", for example a post in another topic said:

"I wonder what the limits are he imposed on you? OPP?"

The problem with that is that it INSTANTLY portrays the woman as the victim and the man as a controlling decision maker. If there's one thing I've learnt from poly relationships it's that limits are MUTUALLY AGREED.
You'll find that a lot of such agreements, particularly among those new to practicing polyamory, are not so much mutually agreed upon as one party inflicting a rule upon the other, with the other acquiescing rather than walking away. So, in a great many OPP situations, it *is* one partner inflicting an unreasonable deman on the other.

The example you quote is quoted without context, which is necessary to tell if the question was reasonable. Based solely on the wording of the comment--"...limits he imposed..."--suggest that the discussion was about one partner imposing limits on the other, and those limits not being fully agreeable nor necessarily what the other truly wants.

The negative connotation that attaches to the term is there rightly, I believe. If the one partner only desires the single P (whether penis or pussy), then no need for such a policy exists. My wife has no real interest in finding a male lover, for example, although she's free to do so--there's no need for a OPP for her to limit herself to only one male lover. A one-penis policy only crops up when one partner desires multiple penises, much to the chagrin of the other; the only reason we could have for a OPP is if I were insecure and didn't want her fucking other men.

An OPP speaks to one partner simply not trusting the other and the existing relationship. It speaks to a negative relationship dynamic. It speaks to *bad things* and I think it good that it has a negative connotation.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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