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Old 11-21-2011, 10:20 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,471

Originally Posted by AppleCrumble View Post

After six months of exploring how we felt and careful planning, and another six months of searching, we finally caught a unicorn! (who I will call Sabina) She also had no prior experience with poly/open relationships before, but she's an excellent communicator, so respectful of our primary relationship, and everything was amazing until a couple weeks ago. Sabina and I had started becoming close friends
So you and Sabina weren't close friends before, though you were friends, before the sex started. So you 2 started out as friends with benefits...

as well as sex partners, and she recently opened up to me emotionally in rather an intense way. I didn't feel like I could be so emotionally supportive (which I feel goes into "love" territory), and still have casual sex with her.
... and now you perceive that spending so much time together having sex has caused her feelings to grow. "Opened up to me emotionally in rather an intense way," means what, exactly? At first I thought you meant she shared something about her past with you that she trusted you to hear. But now I am wondering: did she say she loves you? In the "in love" type way going beyond mere friendship?

If that is the case, this IS polyamory. Before, if there was just "I like her, I get along with her, the sex is hot," it's just polyfuckery, to use a coarse term. Kind of like swinging. If you and your h had a deal you could both have sex with Sabina, but not love her, I guess you weren't aware how often sex causes love to grow, when combined with friendship in the first place.

So Sabina and I decided put sex on hiatus for now (we agreed we're friends first, sex partners second), while I figure out with Mr W how much emotional attachment we're comfortable with in a secondary relationship (this is probably a whole nother thread, so I'll stop getting into details now).
I dunno, it seems like it's the point of this whole thread, to me. Going in, you and your h just wanted some hot sex with an outsider. Now Sabina is having deeper feelings for you. She's a lesbian. Her hetero-curiousness has been taken care of, and now she's into you.

This so often happens in unicorn situations. Happened to me! It's almost the norm for the unicorn to fall harder for one or the other of the couple they are fucking. Then suddenly you've got a V, not a triad.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's bf for 5 years
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