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Old 11-21-2011, 09:09 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 604
Unhappy Arduous weekend

The weekend hasn't been as lovely as I wanted it to be. We discovert some stumbling stones, one of them needs to be excavated first as it seems …

So, what happened: On Friday it was my night with Lin. We stayed up quite long, he is used to fall asleep while watching TV, but we choose his telly to be used as the main one in the living room. There hasn't been money to buy a new one for his room and our old CRT-TV wasn't to his liking. When we finally went to bed, I have been falling asleep again and again on the couch, nothing I like to do, because I feel so exhausted from the constant tossing and turning. Whatever – when we came to Lin's room, I was awake enough again and we started to get intimate. Well, long story short (and I am so happy that this was really a shorter one …) the next morning Sward told me that he woke up when we changed rooms and wasn't able to fall asleep again and that he heard us.

'How fitting and strange.' was one of the later thoughts that crossed my mind, because there are some threads here that deal with this problem. What freaked me out most: it WASN'T a problem. He seemed to like it … Maybe I am strange, but this thought seems to be more problematic to me than the 'normal' “Hey dear, I got a problem with hearing you having sex with your boyfriend.” reaction I was assuming. I can't seem to wrap my head around this case. So, aside from my personal problems with this, as I don't want one of them to 'participate' in moments when I think I am alone with the other, it will be a no go when we talk about Lin. It hurt him deeply when it happened the first time (during his visit some months ago) and it will put a great strain on our living together.

It didn't happen up to now, because their sleeping habits are so different. Sward goes to bed early, wakes up around 4 or 5 am, while Lin likes to stay up nearly as long and go to sleep around this time. I don't know how this will work out long time, because this rhythm is just due to his working hours, it will change if he stays home for a longer period of time. We will have to bear in mind, where the other person is at that moment … not so great as it seems to me.

The second thing that is still bugging me, is how Sward behaved yesterday. On Saturday evening, we wanted to repeat the evening with the grapes, whine and cheese. All of us liked the taste and Sward went shopping. He had really looked forward to the weekend, because he had missed me during the week and wanted to spent some time with me. (Same on my part, it really is something different from the routine we got before and I got the same notion of 'missing you' as he did during this week.) The evening started great but suddenly I noticed that Lin wasn't just cuddling up to me, he seemed to be already asleep.

When I bend back to whisper in his ear I felt the insane speed of his heartbeat. He got palpitations and was weak as hell because of it. When his heart beats at this pace he is as weak as a little child and nearly unable to stay awake, but too much in pain to actually go to sleep. He didn't wanted to ruin the mood and knew that he couldn't do anything about it, therefore he just cuddle himself next to me and waited for it to slow down. I know that this is just how things are and that we have to deal with this, but I was really worried. I know that this isn't life threatening as long as it doesn't last for days, but … I know a lot about it, but I can't stay rational when he is in such a condition.

I put him to bed and stayed with him for an hour, until he woke me up to send me back to Sward. He didn't wanted to ruin our night. Ah well, great joke. I was a mess and cried tears of fear in Sward's arms. Sward was understanding and sweet and even able to distract me from my worries. But the fact stayed the same, that our night was all about me worrying because of Lin and he comforting me because I was hurting because of Lin. Lin was a bit better yesterday and we all relaxed quite a bit, but when the evening came, Sward went to sleep alone. He wasn't able to sleep and came back to living room some hours later, played some game on the computer, while Lin and I watched one of our favorite series.

He was grumpy and unsatisfied with the whole situation, coming and going several times. When he finally went back to bed, Lin asked me if he wasn't feeling good, and maybe, that it would be easier to fall asleep if I was lying next to him. I said that it really was an adjustment for us not to be able to just cuddle every night next to the other, drifting away slowly while holding each other and that I think he isn't satisfied with the situation at the moment. Lin said that he wouldn't have trouble sleeping alone and that I should go to Sward today, without all the exchange we normally do, when we switch the nights. I really like how they care for each other.

Well, despite the fact that I slept next to Sward that night, he wasn't really able to fall asleep and slept badly. There has to be some kind of problem he wasn't able to voice during the last days, nothing could disturb him like that otherwise. I am kind of anxiously anticipating what will come today or tomorrow, my gut tells me that there has to be something *sigh*.

Sorry, this has been long. I like it a lot more if those long posts are about something positive for sure *mumbles*
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Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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