Originally Posted by Savage
What do I want, well I have always thought that I would prefer two live in partners, it makes so much sense sharing child-care, chores, income and intimacy. I can totally see it working in my head. I would not want Z to do something that she didn't like, she has to be happy too or it just wouldn't work.
A V relationship I had not really considered, I am not sure how I would feel about going off to another lover, I guess I would prefer the one big happy family, sharing all. Z and A would not have to sleep in a threesome if they didn't want to but in a perfect world for me they would. A V would be too close to cheating and doesn't have the advantage of sharing childcare, finances ect, not the ideal in my mind.
Oh man. I've been cheating all this time?!
Who says you have to share finances, who says you can't share some child care but not live together? You can create out of this anything you all want provided everyone consents is considerate, compassionate and is open and honest in your communication. You have to start talking and asking questions though.
I think you need to start off smaller. Slamming your wife with this paragraph above is just a tad far sighted. I think I would be telling her that you would like to date other women, you would like her to know them and would like to see how that goes for both of you. Find out what would be harder for her most, sex or emotional connection with others or both.
I wonder how much of this is about sex. Do you just need to get laid? I'm asking because if your wife doesn't struggle with your being intimately connected to othere then there is no reason why developing a close friendship isn't an option. Its playing with fire but if you can manage it for the time being then this woman can be in your life, become someone your wife knows and begins to trust and it can unfold as it may that way. I have done that with a man I date and its going okay. If its sex she's okay with but not emotional connection then maybe you should swing or look for fuck buddies to scratch your itch. Thing is that going one root and expecting to avoid the other is only a bandaid, but it might buy her the time she needs to catch up with her feelings and it might slow you down enough to savour the moments and build a foundation.
I live with my husband and boyfriend and it took YEARS to get to this place. We don't share finances other than he pays rent though. It is doable however, just in tiny tiny steps. I had the same dream as you 15 years ago and it took this long!
My suggestion would to masturbate often, tell your wife what's going on, go at your wife's pace (she will have no "pace" if you don't tell her) and kick back and relax. Let it take you rather than pursuing it. Life happens, set it up in a direction and be pleasantly surprised when things work rather than miserable when they don't. Oh. Ya. And when your wife gives a bit, GIVE BACK in the ways she loves. Foot rubs don't go a miss when you're pregnant.