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Old 11-20-2011, 11:58 PM
AppleCrumble AppleCrumble is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Just so we're all using the same terminology, "unicorn" typically refers to a woman who will join a MF couple, and love them both equally and join their relationship and they'll all become one big happy family.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like you wanted a woman to come share regular casual sex with you and your partner, but not form an emotional bond? We don't usually think of that as a unicorn... I'm not sure we really have a word for it, actually. Sex toy? It's probably easier to find a woman to be a regular sex partner, with no romantic strings attached, than it is be to find a woman who can fall in love equally with two people, and with whom both people can fall equally in love. That's why we call them unicorns.

And so now, I'm also confused about the nature of this emotional attachment. You say you're friends first, sex partners second... but where does loving, romantic partners fit into that? Off the table completely? Third after sex? Between friends and sex?
Eep. I clearly jumped into using new terminology too soon! Thanks for asking me to clarify. I suppose I just like the idea of a unicorn... But scratch that. What I meant is that Sabina is an attractive woman willing to be a regular sex partner with me and Mr W, respecting and understanding our relationship. This alone took us ages to find! We did take her needs/desires into account, too. While we both shared her at times, her relationship was mostly with me, as she identifies as lesbian, but that didn't preclude some contact between her and Mr W, which she had been looking to try in a safe environment. It certainly wasn't a fully equal relationship between the three of us.

To be honest, I think we're all a bit confused about the nature of our emotional attachments. We're not planning on her joining our relationship, but we do care about her, and she cares about us. I wouldn't describe my feelings for Sabina as romantic love, because love to me implies a permanence that I don't expect from my relationship with Sabina. I would say we have formed some sort of emotional bond with her, at least as friends as well as sex partners. She and I were also friends before this all started, which is where the friends first thing came about..

I hope that makes it clear, or clearer, or at least as clear as it is in my head, which to be honest is still a little muddled.
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