Thank you Rarechild. I'm almost crying at what you wrote. I will probably write more later - I found a thread where people tell their stories, sorta, and I guess in order for people to be able to offer their thoughts, they need to know what is what. As for my other love, we have been separated by time, distance, circumstance, and mainly our own respective issues. I'm only in a place to consider this relationship because I've put in the hard work of examining myself and where I came from and how I've lived. My husband stuck with me through that and it was not easy. As a result, he's skittish whenever I say "I need to talk" or something like that. My lover (okay, we may not be having sex, but we're lovers in every other sense of the word) has similar issues of his own and he's just begun to deal with them. It's not like we're all happy, whole people going into this.
And what I mean by "ethics" is that I believe in my heart that honesty and openness is the best (and really only way) to deal with this, but it's scary and hard. I am very afraid of losing everything I have. Because what I have is very good. But I'm wanting more and there's the small voice (sometimes very loud) saying that I'm being selfish. But how to reconcile these loves that have lived within me for decades without hurting anyone...
Anyhow, I don't have time to tell my tale. I'll write more later.