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Old 11-20-2011, 07:36 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 478

Originally Posted by Savage View Post

Would I mind Z having another lover? Difficult for me to answer, erm, I would not mind if it was a girl, would be less keen if it were a man. I have a do as you would be done by ethic so I guess logically I would have to try and deal with any issues I might have with her seeing another man. I don't think she is like that though, not something she has ever talked about. Except to use it as an example of why A+Z+S would not work, "how would you feel if I wanted to see other men?" when I asked her if she would mind having A in the relationship too.

I don't think she is like that though,

I didn't think my husband was "like that," either. Turns out, his ego and self-esteem was so wounded by my falling in love with another man, he went and found someone to stroke him and make him feel great, like he was the ONLY man in the universe. (Well, I guess I signed off on that job, didn't I?)

Poly is a risk-taking venture. It sounds like your wife is really not open to the idea. Are you willing to lose your wife, the mother of your children, for what you find with the other woman? Or is there a way to get your needs met WITHIN your marriage? Because your needs are important. But your young family's needs are important, too. It's an awful dilemma so many of us have found ourselves in! I admire you for looking for creative solutions. Keep being honest, even if it makes her upset. Sexual needs can be met in LOTS of different ways. You may be able to find a happy compromise. Your wife signed up for monogamy -- and so did you. If she doesn't open her mind to the idea, you will have some tough decisions to make. I feel for you.
Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy
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