Thread: college student
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Old 11-20-2011, 06:55 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by gator86 View Post
What is polyamory?
Literally, it is "multiple loves." It means something different to everyone who practices it, but generally it refers to the respectful, honest practice of having loving, romantic relationships with more than one person at a time.

Originally Posted by gator86 View Post
Why do you choose to be polyamorous?
I didn't choose it. Most people don't. While some people are brought into it by being with a partner who identifies that way, many polyamorist people have always felt that monogamy makes no sense to them and is not a viable relationship model for their own lives.

I knew I was polyamorist ever since I hit puberty and started being aware of dating and marriage. I thought marriage was stupid, because how can you ever be with just one person for the rest of your life? As I got older, I learned that you can have your cake and eat it too. You can get married and have all the joys, securities, and comforts that it brings, but without giving up your need to be with other people also.

About 10 years ago, I learned that there's an actual term for the way I had always felt: polyamory. So it's not like I read about it and thought "Hey that sounds cool, I'll try it." It's that I always felt that way, and then I read about it and thought "Holy crap! You mean other people feel that way too!? You mean it's ALLOWED??!?"

Originally Posted by gator86 View Post
How many people are usually involved in the relationship?
More than one, less than one hundred? Honestly, you can be "polyamorous" and even in a "polyamorous relationship" even if you're not currently involved with more than one person.

I hazard a guess that most people would have trouble maintaining more than five simultaneous relationships, just due to time and energy constraints. But I guess you could have a "one big house" type situation with all kinds of chains and circles and loops. The sky's the limit, really.

Originally Posted by gator86 View Post
Does anyone get jealous of others in the relatioynships? How do you coupe with the jealousy?
There's no general answer to that question. Yes, some people get jealous because the alternative would be that no one ever gets jealous and that's not the case. But everyone manages jealousy and envy in their own ways (do a search on the forum to find the difference). The general principle is that you have to own your emotions as being your reactions, not the fault of the other people involved. So the best way to deal with jealousy is to seriously inspect yourself, your thoughts, your motivations, and find out what you're afraid of and decide whether those fears are justified. It is almost never the case that the way to manage jealousy is to put restrictions on your partner. That just leads to resentment, and it doesn't solve the problem.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 11-20-2011 at 07:00 PM.
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