I would like to point something else out. He doesn't actually sound "polyamorous" to me. All this talk is about sex, threesomes, fantasies... as soon as sex dried up in his affairs, he quit them. I wouldn't be surprised if at that point, the other women started getting more attached and wanting more than just sex, so either he bailed or they lost interest in sex that wasn't going anywhere. So in that context, it may be helpful to talk with some people from the swinger lifestyle also. They might have a completely different take on this, as well as coping strategies for "my husband wants to sleep with everyone" type stuff (many polys can't relate to that). Not that I'm trying to shuffle you off on someone else, only saying that the advice you'll get here will typically carry an assumption that you or your husband want "love and romance" and not "just sex" and that definitely changes the conversation.
But that being said, polyamory could be something you yourself are interested in exploring. In my marriage, I'm the polyamorous one and my husband is the ethical slut. Before he met me, he had never had a relationship last longer than 6 months. As soon as it started getting too emotional, he bailed. I describe him as "barely monoamorous." But he loves the thrill of meaningless sex with someone he won't have to romance later, or even call the next day. But I don't do that, I prefer my sex to be intimate and romantically shared with a loved partner. It took a while for us to both figure that out and accept it, but now I'm comfortable with him being a man-whore and me being polyamorous. We have an ongoing discussion about safety, comfort levels, etc. We also have rules (not boundaries) regarding safe sex.
If that's something you decide you want, you'll have to explain to him that if he expects you to support him having random sex with strangers, then he has to support you having loving romantic relationships with non-strangers.
“As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.” —bisexualbaker
Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 11-20-2011 at 07:33 AM.