Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
Why not combine both options? Break off contact with A and tell Z everything, including the fact that you think you're poly but love her too much to force her into something that would make her unhappy, especially during this sensitive time, and so you cut A loose rather then get into a sticky situation again. Let her react to that and give her input. Maybe she'll be grateful, maybe she'll be mad that you brought it up at all, maybe she'll reconsider poly and do some reading, who knows. But you'll have been honest.
Yep, what she said.
I used to suffer from, with my ex husband, a case of always being honest...until things got to a certain level with another person...my ex knew how I felt for the first 11 years, and what was happening in a sexual interest context with others, but at some point when he seemed to stop making an effort for our relationship, I stopped being 100% honest, and that's where the problems started.
Now HE wasn't being 100% honest with me ever since our relationship started 13 years earlier, I just assumed he was because I was, and I did nothing but talk about how we would always be honest about each other and our feelings about fidelity, etc.. What I regret now is that I stopped being totally transparent. I couldn't control his honesty, but I could have controlled mine, and I wish I had.
I'm still a bit confused about the reference to a three way relationship - do you mean a V? you're with A, you are married to Z but don't try to force a friendship or intimate relationship between them? You want threesomes? You want to be with Z, with A, and they have to be good friends so you feel good about your desires? Is Z allowed to date and fall in love with others? Is A? In this case with a pregnant wife I'd say SLOW SLOW SLOW. I'd be honest and prepare to drop A in a romantic context, as you have decided to bring another life into this world, already knowing that Z was not interested in an open relationship when it was brought up last.