I wrote in another thread about stages of children that I learned in our parenting class a couple of weeks ago. I was saying that age 21 (thereabouts) is actually the last stage of a child where they realize they are a "me" just like everyone else.
Sometimes people get stuck at different stages if their is a trauma of some kind that forces them to move into the next stage without fully experiencing the stage that they are at. They miss a stage of self development essentially and it repeats in adulthood. I suspect that this is what happens to some people when they give ultimatums.... perhaps they are simply unable to empathize with their partners because they have not gone through the stage at 6, or whatever, where they learned what happens when they demand attention from others or whatever.... am I making sense... *yawn* too early
Anyway *getting it together* in this case therapy revolving around getting the trauma worked out would move them out of being stuck in that stage.