So much to think about, I haven't been sleeping properly since A contacted me on facebook.
SC - I was totally ready to have A move in with Z and myself when I first fell for A, that was what seemed to make perfect sense to me at the time. When I sat and had a chat with Z she appreciated my honesty and asked me not to talk about it as she did not want to share me.
At this point I had to dig deep and break the news to A that we could not be together and I had already had a loving relationship with Z.
Our friendship groups are small so we would often meet at partys, it was a hard time for us all but I was always completely open and honest with Z. and as time went by we saw less of A and my feelings for her subsided.
That was then, now I find myself arranging meeting for lunch with A on FB and the alarm bells started ringing, it was an innocent invitation but when she asked how Z would feel about me going for lunch I started to see a problem.
Then I started to realize that I might be poly so I started reading the net about it and the more I read the more things in my life make sense. I didn't know about being poly then, I just couldn't see why it was wrong to feel so connected and in love with two people at the same time. I wasn't having intimate physical contact with A, I just fell in love with her.
AM - Z is three months pregnant. I will have to stop myself from seeing A, doing so is only going to bring more pain for all again I guess. I hadn't given much consideration as to how a relationship would work, I have really just realized how I work and wondered should I discuss this with Z as I did so many years ago.
Carma - Interesting question, I love her completely she means the world to me. I have a much stronger sex drive than she does but I cope with that, I wouldn't want to cheat on her as I lover and respect her too much to play away when I feel frustrated. She has gone totally off sex since morning sickness kicked in. Bless her.
lifetake2 - You are right, now is not the time to start trying to work out a relationship restructure with Z, I appreciate that she needs me to be there for her now more than ever.
Shyliss - This is the bit that is giving me insomnia, just the act of telling her I think I am poly and have feelings for another is going to rock the boat. If I don't then that would be going against my inner honesty rules.
So I think there are two choices for me here:
1. I tell her, I tell her everything, especially the part where I still love her loads and dont wish to break up.
2. I dont tell her anything, break my honesty rule and try to get over A, again....
Thanks peeps for helping out, I feel I have someone I can talk to about this now and that helps a LOT.