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Old 11-19-2011, 05:45 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by Mya View Post
Why do you feel you have to tell Davis about it if it's something you wouldn't pursue anyway? Is it just because you appreciate being honest in all situations or do you wish that you could have something with Jay and that's why you'd have to tell Davis? Although if Davis has noticed a vibe between you two, maybe it would a good idea to tell him that yes, there is something there but you would never act on it without everyone being ok with it - which you understand they might never be.
I realize my reaction might seems a little over the top -- surely I don't need to tell Davis about every attraction or little moment of flirtation. And I don't think I've decided for sure that I am actually going to talk to him about it yet.

Definitely the urge comes in part from wondering if he's noticed. I know he would never assume that I'd act on it, but it still might be reassuring for him to hear me say so.

A bigger part of it comes from leftover insecurity on my end from the time I cheated on him with Ziggy. It's not that I think I'd do so again, and that situation was very different -- I loved Z -- but in some ways it started similarly, with a mutual attraction that was growing for me and which I didn't think I could acknowledge. Rather then deal with those feelings I sought to stifle them. I thought I could control it, but then I got drunk and things happened and there was no turning back because my feelings just exploded.

If I had dealt with what was going on for me rather then ignoring it and letting it grow beneath the surface, maybe things would never have gone so far. Or maybe I could have just talked to Davis about the fact that I was still in love with my ex and maybe we could have started down the road of healthy poly long ago. I kind of doubt it but almost anything would have been preferable to the terrible mess that was the year or so after.

So, yeah, I guess realizing I have a secret attraction to someone in the context of my relationship with Davis is kind of a trigger for me. :/
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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