Originally Posted by suziesue
I realize that the words 'proper relationship' aren't quite right, but I feel I lack the vocabulary to describe it. I sort of feel like we've agreed to have a sort of 'secondary' relationship while neither of us has a 'primary', acknowledging that we both want that kind of 'primary' relationship at some point, but that it might not be with each other? Does that make any sense?
Absolutely that makes sense. To quote myself from another thread (hope that's not too obnoxious):
I interpret "secondary relationship" to mean "we care for and trust each other and we are intimate and we consider each other carefully when decisions are being made, but in the end we are not each other's mutual top priorities in life" and "primary relationship" to mean "we have all that other good stuff plus we are actively building a life together and putting our partnership before all others (barring any co-primaries)"
So, absolutely, you can have one or more secondary relationships without any primary relationship.
I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. But good on you for going for honesty and communication in all the relationships, even when there's a cost. It's definitely the better route.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.