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Old 11-18-2011, 06:31 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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Originally Posted by queertransguy66 View Post
On the other hand i dont think that i absolutely "need" these hook ups, im just unsure of whether or not it matters if someone needs something versus wants something?
Yes, it matters. That's the whole point of "wants" vs "needs." Needs are the things without which you cannot be happy and healthy. Wants are the things that are fun but you can live without. If your wants are conflicting with your girlfriend's needs, then it might be good to prioritize her needs for a while.

Originally Posted by queertransguy66 View Post
I dont mean to sound selfish and i did suggest to her already that i stop sleeping with other people for the time being, she didnt like that idea because it feels like pity to her. I do think though that i can stop hooking up with people without having her feel like im doing it intentionally for her... Does that make sense?
It makes perfect sense. You can hook up with fewer people without making a big deal out of it. You don't have to make it like you're throwing yourself down on your sword for her. You can just quietly start seeing fewer people. She may not notice that you're doing it, but with any luck, she won't notice that you're not "not doing" it.... if that makes any sense... in other words, "no news is good news."

e.g. I usually notice and complain when my husband leaves his dirty dishes in the sink. If he starts making an effort to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, I might not notice, but that's the point.

And if she does notice, you can just buy yourself some brownie points and say something like, it's not pity, it's love. Your happiness means more to me than getting my rocks off with random chicks.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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