Originally Posted by lulu
She is very uncomfortable that I don't want to spend time with the two of them together and says she feels left out. She thinks I need to be able to do this if I want the relationship to work. Do I? I don't really see why I need to force myself into that situation. Basically, when I find out we're all going to be at the same place at the same time, I sometimes choose to not go. Or sometimes I might choose to go and deal with my jealousy and discomfort. What do you think is the appropriate course of action in this situation?
I would say you need to deal with your jealousy. Accept that it is, then figure out why it is. It's not "because of her" it's something in you. So what is that in you? Deal with that-all the way. First of all.
For me in a relationship-I NEED my husband to be friendly and hang out with me and my bf. If that's not possible-then the V isn't possible. AND he's considering someone as a possible gf and I a likewise pursuing friendship iwth her-because if she and I can't be friends-they aren't going to be a couple. It's too complicated since time is limited and as his wife who shares 4 kids with him-I have his time.
That said-I don't show a great deal of affection towards the bf in front of my husband. But I do show a great deal of affection towards DH in front of Bf.... it doesn't bother bf. It used to-and I limited it both ways as much as possible at that time.
So I think maybe the answer is both. You should be working to deal with your issues if you want to retain the relationship. But they could also reduce pointed sexual affection in front of you as well.