The three foregoing responses are all pretty much right on the money: honesty is required, in part to prevent harm, in part out of respect for the right of other people to make decisions for themselves.
I did want to say something about this, though:
Originally Posted by Missgt
Also... I am not trying to offend anyone here but I feel like the few poly men I do find on websites etc are very... creepy? Or far older than me?
I'm not offended by this, really. It's just a puzzle to me, as a forty-something married man just trying out polyamory for the first time: how do I avoid coming across as creepy?
I wonder if, in our culture, "older (married) guy looking to date" simply equals
"creepy guy". It's the stereotype of the wannabe swinger, in the depths of a midlife crisis, pathetically desperate to catch one last taste of youth before the long decline . . .
In fighting this stereotype, all I have to fall back on are my nerdy charm and rusty dating skills . . .