Thread: I'm so confused
View Single Post
  #9  
Old 11-04-2009, 03:31 AM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,921
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nevins View Post
How can I love 2 people and remain married?
I think there's plenty of people around here better suited to offer some specifics on how Poly works...and the tools you can use for that.

I wanted to offer my 2%x$1 about your question above.

Basically this comes down to basic assumptions. I'm guessing that if your family is fairly religous you were probably brought up in the monogamous mindset. There's a set of assumptions that go with that...like there being only one true love. If you love or want someone else, then you don't love your spouse. If you were truely in love, there'd be no need for anything else.

One way though this particular quandry...challenge everything! Everything you think you know or have been taught to assume about marriage. There's some great resources around poly sites & even the threads of this forums about that. And basically it comes down to what you've already done...you've fallen in love with another...and you are still married...and still in love with your wife.
For me this took a lot of time...and I had the benefit of not having other relationships (other than my marriage) crashing around me while I worked through it. I'm talking months to years.

I'd like to expand further...but I'm liable to rant...and I'm not sure if this is the kind of advice you're looking for....and I need to crash, since apparently my ability to string together a proper sentence is suffering.
But the long and short is this...any story, though, proverb, commandment, parable, movie, song, etc...anything that says that you can love only one person in life...ask it...and yourself, WHY? And seriously challenge it...don't take "Because I said so" as an acceptable answer.

gnight.
__________________
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Reply With Quote