Hoping to become as poly as my boyfriend
Hey everyone, I'm new on this forum, so nice to meet you^^
I've been together with my boyfriend for five years now, and he's been honest with me from the beginning that he was poly. I had been in an open relationship before, so it made sense to start one again, even though I have a lot of insecurities about myself and this style of relationship. But I went through with it anyway, because I was so deeply in love with him at the time.
Our relationship started out mostly mono in practice and I noticed that I started to get more and more anxiety about the poly aspect. Ethically I prefer this kind of relationship, it really seems like the right thing to do, but emotionally I can't deal with it. So for the past few years my boyfriend has been holding back on dating others on my behalf, but he can't keep doing this, and he's not going to change his mind about the poly thing either. I basically have to choose now between breaking off the relationship or adapting to the poly lifestyle, and that's why I'm here. Both options are extremely terrifying, but I think I should give our relationship another chance. Maybe things would be easier, if I would be the first one with a second lover? I would be really grateful for any advice on how to start with polyamory.