I am jumping into your thread a little late, but have just read it through and I think you are doing the right thing, cutting off the friend who fucked your husband. She sounds so selfish, self-centered, and maybe even somewhat obsessed with having what you have. So, good for you. Friends like that you can do without, though you may feel like you've cut off one of your arms. I feel for you in that regard, and sorry it hurts so much for you right now.
As far as your husband and marriage, I think it is best not to make any big decisions yet. Divorce is usually quite devastating even when it's for the best (I speak from experience). I am not saying that you should avoid that option just because it will be difficult, but rather that it is a huge step to take, so you want to arrive at it thoughtfully. You are absolutely heading in the right direction by entering counseling or therapy for YOURSELF, and not just to hold together a marriage with a Band-Aid.
Use counseling to get to know yourself more, look at and work on whatever issues you need to, build your sense of self-esteem, and find a place in the world that makes you happy - then see where he and the marriage can fit into your life. If your husband owns up to his mistakes and does his own self-work, and if it feels right for both of you, I see no reason why the relationship can't heal. People have bounced back from this and worse. But it just seems like it could be too soon to make a decision either way right now. Like you told him, if his words and deeds match, you can re-examine everything and make a choice. So, good luck with everything and keep us posted.
Last edited by nycindie; 11-17-2011 at 12:59 AM.