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Old 11-16-2011, 10:12 PM
Missgt Missgt is offline
New Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 4
Question What kind of pickle did I get myself into?

Alright, I thought I had posted this earlier but I haven't seen it so here goes take 2. I could really use some advice on this and would welcome feedback.

I am 28 years old, a wife, a mother, and pretty new to polyamory. I have been married 9 years, we have dabbled in swinging for the past 4 years and recently discovered that perhaps polyamory is more suited to us. We both can appreciate the emotional and intellectual connection that comes from someone else.

This being said my husband actually found an amazing woman right about the time we were making this decision which is absolutely great. He is such an introvert and if he hadn't met her I would probably be worrying that he wouldn't find someone. But nope, he used his nerdy charm and wooed her off her feet He laid all the cards on the table, that he had a wife, kids, and no intention to leave either. Ideally he wants us both. I think that B (as I will call her) is an amazing woman and am so happy he found her. She is recently divorced with two children of her own.

My situation is a good deal stickier. I have a group of people I associate with (play sports, see comedians etc) that is mostly made of single people and none of them really know anything about my personal life. This being said I hadn't 'dated' anyone inside this group so it didn't really matter. I discussed with my husband that I intend to kind of 'practice' dating since I have been very out of practice and he and I met very young and were married within a year. I told him in advance that this practice wouldnt involve me delving into our personal details but really getting more into how to flirt again etc.

And then a really great guy from the group asked me out and I said yes... ugh... he is amazing, intelligent, romantic, and very attentive...but his personality is definately not one that would seek out polyamory or I think really accept it. I talked to my husband about this earlier today and he said eventually I would have to break it off and either tell him or not... or I could let it run it's course which may not be that long. I feel awful because this man doesn't know about a fairly substantial part of my life but at the same time I value the few dates we have had and would like to see him longer. His personality screams monogamy and I think that me telling him the truth would hurt him very much so to me, that leaves me two options really, break it off and don't tell him the full truth, or keep him a little more at a distance, enjoy time with him, and let it run its course.

ADVICE? Anyone ever dated someone your spouse knew about who didn't know about your spouse?

Also... I am not trying to offend anyone here but I feel like the few poly men I do find on websites etc are very... creepy? Or far older than me? Having a little dating practice now I would very much like to start something out with honesty.
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