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Old 11-16-2011, 09:36 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

I think often we tend to give people the benefit of the doubt a little TOO much. There's a fine line between understanding that people make mistakes, recognizing honest regret and seeing somebody making honest attempts to remedy their behavior-- and enabling somebody who is selfish and deceptive to keep being selfish and deceptive to us.

Honestly I think with something like having a "friend" who sleeps with your partner while you're away-- once is a mistake, and things "happened". Twice is intentional. This is NOT a friend. Toxic people get away with what they do because people let them. I'm seeing you seemingly feeling BAD about wanting to remove somebody from your life who has proved repeatedly to not have any integrity. You should not feel bad about this.

Of COURSE she will call you repeatedly, she will beg your forgiveness, then she will be pissy and talk badly about you when you don't fall for her manipulative behavior. How mean of you. Think of this as practice for your child's toddler years, as it's basically the same thing, and treat it the same way. Ignore it, and then she will stop eventually because she isn't getting the attention she wants.

As for your husband, that's definitely a toughie considering you have a child together. However, I would ask you this: What kind of person leaves their loved one in the hospital alone, to deal with a hard situation, and goes off to bang her best friend?

I'm sure he has all kinds of reasons and all kinds of explanations (to you AND to himself to make him feel better about doing something shitty) -- but it basically comes down to this: A person of integrity wouldn't ever have even considered doing such a thing to their partner. Ever.

At some point in life you have to decide what kind of people you want to be surrounded by and involved with. You can choose people with integrity and have support and friendship, or you can choose people like your friend and have endless drama and lies and deception.

I do think that either way counseling would be good because you can air all of this to an impartial third party and they can help you both communicate clearly about what happened and the emotions around that. Maybe you'll be able to find out things that will bring you closer together, or maybe you'll be able to see clearly that he's not for you. Either way, you'll have a better understanding and maybe a clearer direction at that point.

Of course, I'm a real hardass about integrity, so that's where I'm coming from.

Last edited by Minxxa; 11-16-2011 at 09:38 PM.
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