Sorry. I probably should have clarified something. When I said she'd slept with my partners in the past- I meant my girlfriends. I haven't had very many relationships with males and she's never been interested in them before (to my knowledge). Regardless, it is the equivalent of "banging my man" because love is love and gender is irrelevant.
She's tried to call me about 40 times today and I know she feels awful. I've kept her in my life this long because even though she has taken a lot from me she has given so much back. When I was taken advantage of as a child she was the only one that was there for me. There was no one else I could talk to.
I feel as though I owe her. I've never thought of our relationship as toxic before. I'll have to think about that one.
As far as counseling goes, my mother recommended that my husband and I go already. I know that shouldn't upset me but it does. I feel like it means she's not on my side when I know that's not true.
I haven't decided what to do about my husband, but I know that I need counseling concerning my friend. My mother says she's been taking advantage of me for years... but I don't see it.