Originally Posted by Times2
I think that men and women go into relationships with a completely opposite mind set from one another. Women approach a new relationship with the "he might be the one" mentality whereas a man approaches most romantic involvements with the "she'll do find unti I find the one" mentality. With these different expectations who do you think will get hurt when it ends? Of course the one thinking it's THE ONE from the start. We have no expectations that the first person we meet will be 'the one' and we have no illusions that it will all be perfect from the beginning. We expect to meet, hopefully feel a connection and then ultimately move on with a marital relationship. If we don't feel it, or she does not feel it then it will never go any further. Isn't that how all relationships start?...
I can't speak for how other men and women go into relationships, but he and I had talked about what all 3 of us wanted in a relationship. We were all looking for a loving long term relationship with a core poly-family. (They had already attempted this with other people prior to my coming into their lives. I was new to the whole idea of poly.) Any or all members of the core poly family would still be free to see whomever they wanted outside of this core poly-family. They might or might not share partners within the core poly-family. No one within the core poly family would be expected to have relationships with other poly family members, but there would be an expectation of mutual courtesy. Any other partners wouldn't necessarily be expected to become part of the "family", but neither would they be automatically excluded. If someone wanted to remain in a mono relationship with someone in the core poly-family, that would be fine, too. There would be no expectation that all core poly family members would have to date or be in a relationship with more than one person.
There was no issue for him about "until I find the one". As others have mentioned....Being poly....there could be several "ones"!!
(Please note that my vocabulary/choice of terms when trying to describe what we wanted is mine, alone. "Core poly-family" is the best term I could come up with in trying to define what we were looking for. It may have a totally different meaning to someone else or be meaningless to others.)