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Old 11-16-2011, 01:21 AM
wendybird wendybird is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Hi Annabel,

I've been enjoying following the changes in your life with the new baby. I laughed when you made sure everyone knew that just because you were getting a "date night" with the baby that did not make you a Unicorn. I will definitely take a look at the website.

You know... I absolutely am the kind of person who can enjoy casual affairs... when I am single. My husband and I separated for a year during our marriage and I had a bunch of fun flings. But right now, i don't really feel single. I haven't entirely ruled it out as a possibility. It may be that I am still so in the midst of NRE that nothing else seems like it could possible be as fun or worth the effort.

As for co-primaries... I don't know when someone stops being a secondary and becomes a co-primary. Seems a little arbitrary to me. She has referred to me as her SO's OSO and I started wondering if the communicative property applied making her my SO's OSO or if in her head it was "other" as in "other woman." In actuality, I think she just adopted the convention of the group of people she was speaking with.

If by co-primaries you mean us all co-habitating, I don't see that happening. But she has been very generous with me. I have a regular weekly date night with Mac and we usually fit in another evening or afternoon during the week as well, but overnights are off limits. But, as i have told her, she could keep giving and giving until the point that he's living with me and I'll say "Fine, I guess you can spend a couple of hours with Mac this month" So, at what point between here and there I become a co-primary is sort of irrelevant cause I'm basically just a monogamish girl who wants her own damn boyfriend but unfortunately has fallen in love with someone with whom that ain't gonna happen.

Speaking of NRE. As much fun as it is, I can't help but wonder, if we were beyond it, if some of this wouldn't be easier. If I weren't so busy scrambling to grab every minute with him i can, if she would have less of a need to stake her claim as well. I just had this amusing thought about saying "OMG, Lia, I can't stand to do XYZ with Mac one more freaking time. You're gonna have to go with him this weekend" But as it is, he and I joke about the fact that we'd be happy to watch paint dry as long as we were together. (Despite the fact that that is absolutely true, how freaking corny. No wonder she finds our gaga-ness annoying.)

I'm guessing that NRE probably last longer in poly relationships in general. If you have less time to spend with someone, its probably easier to stretch out your good behavior and overlook the other persons annoying habits. I'm pretty sure that if i were spending every day and night with Mac that all of those sweet adorable funny little things he does might cease being adorable.

I'm sorry I am so wordy. Annabel, I totally agree with you. Writing about stuff really does help me to get a handle on where my brain is at.

Thanks
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